How To Take Charge Of Your Own Happiness (And Stick It To Facebook)

Why, hello there, any remaining readers I might have. This might be a long post. With it, I plan to respond to a reader's question, flesh out an idea I have for making my life ridiculously awesome, and write about a subject a loved one suggested: choosing the things that make us happy regardless of others' opinions.

The 2015 Plan

I haven't written in ages, and a lot of awesome stuff has happened in my life. As always, though, not everything in my life is perfect. I am currently an account manager for a marketing firm. I enjoy my work, but as someone who is a little bit interested in everything, I am always open to the idea of a wide variety of other types of pursuits. I think I could work in marketing for a long time to continue to learn from the diversity of work, grow from the relationships it fosters, and pay my bills. I do find, however, that I occasionally feel a desire to have a life full of things that are more fulfilling. As a new year is shortly upon us, I think I've got a plan that could lend itself to fizzling out within a week--or alternatively helping me to have a very incredible and fulfilling 2015.

 This one, I owe to Facebook. Yep, the ubiquitous social network is inspiring me. No doubt that if you use Facebook, you've recently seen compilations of friends' 2014 pictures and status updates. Their "Year." Facebook assembled a "year" for me--pulling random pictures of me from my account. It was abysmal. It appeared as though my year's most exciting moments consisted of assembling an IKEA dresser, complaining about daylight savings being a thing, and going to a concert.

Yeah, those were each parts of my existence this year, but I don't in any way think they deserve to be immortalized as my 2014. There are vastly more important things to me that make up what I will retain as my year. That said, my life is full of a lot of, "Hey look, I made salmon!" moments.

One time, I made salmon for dinner.

 This year, I want to do one awesome--completely fulfilling thing each month. That's it.  That's the plan. I don't think that I will actually make it a social network thing (I try* not to be one of those people), but I like to imagine my upcoming year having precisely 12 status updates--each of them awesome. I at least want to fill my life with enough greatness that if Facebook pulls this same "Here's Your Year!" shit next December, I'll be ready for them!

So here's to the 2015 Plan. May my "Look how long my (then-existent) hair used to be!" moments turn into "Look! I met Oprah today!" moments.  May my roller coaster rides turn into winning a contest to name a roller coaster.  Who knows!?  The point is, how hard is it to do one cool thing a month, and how much more fulfilling will my life be, if each year is full of 12 completely cool things. (12 times as fulfilling?)

*Probably unsuccessfully.

The Legal Job Market, What Law School Students Are Like, and Some Blathering About Careers

Despite not even looking at this blog too often, I continue to receive the occasional question from individuals that are struggling with law school and the turmoil that can accompany the idea and effectuation of dropping out.

About a week ago, I heard from Sam, a 1L, who wrote:

"I previously worked in finance at an excellent company and I graduated top 20% of my undergraduate class. The question is given the current state of the market I am incredibly nervous to continue in the legal field. 

Grades have not come out yet so I have no idea how I did, but the semester was definitely hard. I had a few breakdowns (panic attacks, depression..) and I honestly dislike the incredibly competitive environment - only a handful are humble people and the rest are so fake it drips through their pores.

I would really appreciate any advice on whether or not to drop out and go back to a decently well paying job with the opportunity for future career advancements."

Sam, I am far enough removed from law school, that I may not fully remember the types of feelings you're expressing.  It does not seem difficult, though, to imagine feeling pretty shaken up about continuing your legal education when you have some great work experiences in another field behind you, have had a rough time with the law school environment, and are unsure of your ability to find a legal job.

First, and most important to me, I really hope that if you're having panic attacks and depression, you seek appropriate medical help. In my experience, it can only improve your situation. If you're like me, you might not want to admit that anything is seriously wrong, (and maybe it isn't), but it won't hurt to just talk it over with a doctor or other healthcare professional. (If any of my readers (and many of you seem to) have similar symptoms, you might consider consulting this infographic.)

Second, you've led me to a big question a lot of law school students must have, what's out there for me when this is all over? I've been away from law school long enough now that all of my friends have graduated. Most seem to be happily employed, some seem to have hung out a shingle of their own, and maybe there are others that aren't super vocal about not finding a job. So... let's not use my Facebook friends as a reference.

The good news: so many people are reading my blog, that enrollment in law schools has dropped! Nope, but it IS dropping. Time.com reports, "First-year enrollment at U.S. law schools fell 11% from 2012 to 2013, according to the American Bar Association, bringing the total number of students enrolled down to 39,675 or where the figure sat in 1977, when there were far fewer ABA-accredicated schools. And two-thirds of ABA law schools reported declines in the size of their enrollment in 2013; 81 schools experienced a decline greater than 10%."

This at least means that there will likely be less competition for current 1Ls. However, when I started law school, there were apparently more than 52,000 law school students in the U.S.. (You're very welcome that I made that 51,999. (Math, my strong suit.)) This might mean you'll still have the remnants of previous graduating classes to deal with. Maybe those who started their own firms will still be competing for jobs and work. The recession really hammered the size of the legal market, it seems. Many firms cut back their hiring.

Admittedly, my research is not very encouraging for the current job market. Forbes, reporting on ABA data said, "Only 57% of 2013 grads had found... steady jobs. That’s a fraction better than the 56.2% of 2012 grads who had landed long-term employment in the previous year. But overall the unemployment rate for new lawyers ticked up to 11.2% from 10.6% the year before, according to the ABA, nearly twice the national unemployment rate of 5.9%."

Sam, back to you. At present, the market isn't looking too great, and I think it should be a factor in what you consider. Especially when you know you're pretty good at something else that can be lucrative.

Another, more important question for you to ask yourself: what do I want from my career? If something you can do with a JD is all you've ever wanted... that's probably worth fighting for. However, if you're looking for something where you can excel, that will pay your bills, and will surround you with people you like... it sounds like you might have other options.

I have talked about my classmates in law school a bit before, but I don't think I found the same things you seem to see in those around you. I really liked the people I went to law school with. Maybe you are surrounded by an abundance of completely fake people, or maybe you're looking at a group of students under such an incredible pressure to perform that they may not know how to handle it all with complete grace. To defend the people around you just a bit, in my experience at least, everyone changed quite a lot after the first semester was behind us. I changed quite a lot myself. That said, whatever you're seeing around you, is likely to be indicative of what you'll see around you in a law firm. Very competitive people angling to advance their careers. I would definitely consider that in your deliberations about your future.

All that said, you likely went to law school for some good reasons. Consider those, too. Maybe there are things you can do to curb the depression, to enjoy your surroundings, and fight for a legal career.

I'd recommend you ask for some help from people who are close to you, and maybe that will make your path a bit clearer.

I sincerely wish you all the best, and I hope you can find some happiness in your career endeavors.

And That Brings Us to the Subject of Happiness

I, like so many of us, have had a lifelong struggle with the frequent impulse to sacrifice some measure of my happiness to the altar of others' opinions. Sorry to wax irreligious, but like most other ritual sacrifices, this is virtually always done in vain. I just bring this up because even as an out-of-the-closet gay man, I still find myself constantly checking how freely and openly I express myself and live.

Certainly, there are times when holding back parts of us can be a good thing. We don't idly share our personal lives (unless we're the oh-so-enigmatic quittorney author of this peculiar blog) with everyone we meet. We might not share opinions on a whim that could deeply hurt others. We might behave differently around friends than we would around co-workers and superiors.

This is true.

However, too often we permit others to stifle our own happiness and freedom to achieve. It doesn't usually start in any conspicuous way.  Usually it's something along the lines of... oh let's say, a father tells his son, "I think you would make a great lawyer," without any provocation, and son (whose secret dream is to become the world's greatest gondolier) says nothing.  Ol' Dad has given his son a compliment of sorts, but what did his son hear? He may have heard, "You might disappoint me if you aren't a lawyer." The son might have ingested the thought, "I can't tell my father about my highly incongruous dream of gondoliering because he wants me to pursue a more conservative traditional respected occupation." This is obviously a dramatic representation of my point, but I think we can all relate in one way or another to this type of social or familial situation.

Personally, I was petrified about telling my family I was struggling with law school. And I have one of the least overbearing families I know of.

All I'm trying to say is that, as with law school, depression, or terrible twists of fate, the opinions of others can hold our happiness captive. These kinds of situations often require us to muster up the will to take charge of our own happiness.

How do you do that?

Well, I probably don't actually know the right way to answer that question, but I sure seem to think I do!

At the base of what I feel is the right answer, is self-respect and love. To be happy, you have to appreciate who you are, and what you want from life. Don't let all the other stuff cloud that vision of loving who you are, and don't let it stop you from living the way you desire to. This is easier to say than to live, but I think it's the truth.

I heard recently that we guage happiness by our expectations. If they're met or exceeded we're happy. That's likely a vast oversimplification of whatever scientific study of humanity was done to produce the article I read, but it struck me as truth. It also tempts me to say, "I'll just expect less." However, I don't think that leads to as much happiness. If you expect a lot, you'll likely have more drive to fulfill expectations a lot. If I expect to accomplish some great thing, and I never do because I felt obligated to just pay my bills and hold a steady job... I likely can't kick the need to be fulfilled that I tend to carry around with me.

Consider that weird progeny who desired to be a world-class gondolier. I think someone with a dream like that, holds that dream in their heart. His or her heart has the expectation of achieving that great accomplishment. If that son let his dad's expectations for his career dominate his thinking, he may never attain his expectations, and lose out on a lot of happiness. How should the story go? The son ignores Ol' Dad, and strives to attain his goal. If he succeeds, he has met (or maybe exceeded) his own expectations, and achieved a great happiness.  Dad can at least be happy that his son is so happy and so great at what he does. (Singin' in and navigating a boat!) And if he fails? Well, he's no worse off for having released his heart from the expectation, and there's always time to go to law school (or pursue any other dreams he might have). Either way, he can be proud that he took charge of his own happiness.

I definitely chose the most random example to use, but I just hate how often I see people dwell in a sub-par existence because of the hold others have on them with their mere opinions.

Readers, Sam, me... take charge of your happiness! Pursue the expectations of your heart! Kick Facebook's ass at their "Here's Your Year" game!



P.S.: I've been really goofy with this post, but I sincerely hope there's some value here. Please let me know what I can do better! I aim to actually help!